My daughter went to a Japanese school this summer. It was just about six weeks, but I think it was a really interesting experience for her. The school she attended was the same elementary school I went to when I was a kid — the same building, and a very similar curriculum.
She had swimming class twice a week, and school usually ended around 2 or 3 PM. After school, kids would walk home by themselves. Then, they'd often go to the park or visit a friend’s house.
Childhood in Japan feels much more independent compared to North America. Watching my daughter and how she interacted with the school system made me reflect on a few things that stood out:
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What Japanese discipline does to you
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The effect of school lunch on children
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The role of swimming class in school life
Today, I’d like to write about Japanese discipline.
More Than Just Manners
When I was growing up in Japan, discipline wasn’t only about following rules — it was about being taught how to think beyond yourself.
We were told to say “thank you” — not just out of politeness, but to truly recognize the effort behind what we received. My mom would always say:
“Don’t leave food. Animals died for you, and farmers worked hard to produce it.”
As a child, I didn’t fully understand it. But now I see that she was trying to teach me to see the invisible work behind everyday things — and to feel responsible for how I treated those things.
Seeing the Effort Behind What We Receive
I didn’t realize it until recently, but discipline — at least the way I experienced it growing up in Japan — is about teaching kids to think in context. It’s not just about saving food or saying the right words. It’s about helping children understand the bigger picture of how society works.
For example, if your friend’s mom buys you a drink, truly feeling gratitude means understanding that she might have worked hard to earn the money for that drink. It’s not just a kind gesture — it reflects someone’s time, effort, and care.
When someone shares something with you — food, a gift, even their time — it’s often something they’ve earned. Learning to recognize that helps children develop real appreciation, not just surface-level manners.
Even food itself isn’t just “there.” In Japan, kids are encouraged to think about how food reaches their plate — from the farmers who grow it, to the systems that transport it, to the people who prepare it. It doesn’t just appear like magic. This way of thinking helps children connect the dots between what they receive and the people and effort behind it.
That said, I don’t want to praise Japanese culture too much without nuance. Japanese people are raised to not bother others, and that value — while helpful in group settings — can also be stressful or emotionally harsh for some. The pressure to be considerate can sometimes come at the cost of expressing your own needs.
Someone once said, “Japanese education teaches you how to be a good citizen. North American education teaches you how to be a good independent thinker.” I think that’s a fair way to put it.
Honestly, I feel lucky that my daughter gets to experience both. Each has its strengths. And watching her navigate both systems helps me see things more clearly, too — not just as a parent, but as someone raised between cultures.
About the author:
Hi, I’m Fumi, a Japanese chili oil maker and co-founder of Abokichi. We craft a unique, small-batch chili oil inspired by Japanese flavors — made with organic miso and full of deep, umami richness.
Our version is different from your typical chili crisp or spicy oil — it’s called taberu rayu in Japanese, or "edible chili oil," and we’re proud to be the only makers in North America creating miso-based taberu rayu using organic ingredients.
As someone rooted in Japanese food and culture, I occasionally share the stories and traditions that shape how I cook and how I live — not always, but when something feels worth telling.
